Be consistent

In Herne Hill, Tulse Hill's upscale neighbour, there is a lovely fish and chip shop. Olley's is very much the pride of my part of South London. It is regularly named as one of the best chippies in the country and if you go to the takeaway section you can gaze at the photos of all the celebrities who have dined there (Jo Brand – quite impressive; Phil Gayle of The Big Breakfast – not quite as impressive; Anjelica Huston – perhaps I need new glasses).

On high days and holidays, I like to treat myself to a trip to this excellent establishment. The only problem is that it shuts one day a week. And I can NEVER remember which day it is. Only that it is always shut on that day. See, that's the thing about Olley's. It's consistent. Unlike this place, which would probably cause my brain to melt entirely: